Hanukah and Christmas
When I was in sixth grade, I got into an argument with a substitute teacher who didn’t believe me when I told him that we didn’t celebrate Christmas. I was outraged, but more by his stupidity* than because I felt religiously persecuted. This was New York City, after all, where the public schools close down for the High Holidays.
NaomiChana at Baraita has a really thought-provoking post up about the "December Dilemna" for Jews. She writes:
"Apparently we American Jews are supposed to spend the month of Kislev engaged in a nonstop angstfest about — well, mostly how we will decorate our homes. Single candles in windows are out; nine-branched candelabras are in; seven-branched candelabras depend heavily on context. Greenery is dubious,* especially triangular shapes, and circles are questionable, but any medium which can reasonably be shaped into a four-sided top is cool. Blue lights are fine; clear lights are fine unless they look too much like the ones the neighbors have strung around their creche scene; multicolored lights are Right Out. Also, lighted reindeer forms are frowned upon; my search for a lighted elephant form (preferably stepping on a lighted Eleazar Maccabee) has so far been in vain, but I like to think that would be OK."
I don’t think the solution to the December dilemna is to stick a huge menorah up next to the Christmas tree in the middle of the park. When you do that, Hanukah is always going to seem like an afterthought, a sop toward political correctness. And Hanukah is a third-tier Jewish holiday in any case. I’d be a lot happier if school districts were less careful to include "I have a little dreidl" in their Christmas Winter concerts, and more careful to give teachers a list of the dates of major Jewish holidays with a letter saying "please don’t schedule major exams or projects for these days." And, like Tiny Coconut, I’d like to see more floating holidays so non-Christians don’t have to choose between observing their holidays and having a vacation.
NaomiChana goes on to argue:
"You want a real dilemma involving Judaism and American culture? Try "whether or not to run errands on Shabbat."….These dilemmas run up against Jewish fundamentals. What you tell your kids about the white-bearded, red-suited guy in the mall is probably not that kind of dilemma."
Ok, ok, point well taken. But what do I tell my kids about the white-bearded, red-suited guy in the mall? D attends a Jewish preschool, so December isn’t all Santa all the time, but he watches enough television that he’s definitely got the concept. He knows that we don’t celebrate Christmas, but that his paternal grandparents do. And when we’re with them on December 25, they hang stockings for all of us. We’re not seeing them this Christmas, having schelpped out to Portland for Thanksgiving. I’m not quite sure whether D is expecting us to hang stockings without them. And I don’t know if we should, whether or not he’s expecting it. (Even without the excuse of non-Jewish grandparents, my family did do Christmas stockings when I was little; I’d guess my parents gave it up when I was 9 or 10.)
* It’s ignorant not to know that not everyone celebrates Christmas, but it’s stupid to persist in that belief when confronted by a real live person telling you that she doesn’t.
December 12th, 2005 at 10:24 pm
This is the first year A. is old enough to recognize any holidays, and we’re working it like this:
A. knows she’s Jewish, and that I am too, but that Daddy is not, and Grandma and Grandpa are not. She knows what Christmas trees are, and that they’re not for Jewish people, so we don’t have one. But on Christmas she’ll go to Grandma and Grandpa’s while they celebrate, and they will have a Christmas tree, because they’re not Jewish. Then she’ll come home for Chanukah, which is for Jewish people. We’ll also go to shul for a Chanukah party, and people there are Jewish, and even though Daddy is not Jewish he comes with us because we’re a family.
At two, she manages to keep that straight. My favorite manifestation of this is her greeting her grandparents with a j’accuse! fingerpointing and “You are not Jewish! Daddy is not Jewish! I am, and my mama is.” Which my in-laws took to mean my husband is converting. Aghast, he told them no, which left them more confused than ever.
We haven’t dealt with Santa yet, but when we do it’ll be in similar terms. I had a few years when I put up a tree — they’re pretty, I’m agnostic — but I stopped the year she was born. No reason to undermine the rest of what I’m teaching her.
I’ve yet to find a non-hideous menorah under $2K. My solution is to keep them very small & cheap, & out of the windows where they’re a fire hazard anyway. Then we have latkes, which miraculously turn eight meals’ worth of oil into one.
amy
ps I don’t understand the “errands on shabbat” problem. I’ve found it pretty straightforward. If someone’s seriously ill, then yes; otherwise, it can wait till sundown. Or you take care of it beforehand.
December 12th, 2005 at 10:49 pm
I was just thinking about this. I’m a religious Christian, so Santa isn’t really my bag, either. But I wrote all about it last year, so I should probably just re-run that post instead of working up a new one:
http://moxie.blogs.com/moxie/2004/12/santa_baby.html
Also, floating holidays would make so much sense for so many people, so it’ll never happen.
December 13th, 2005 at 12:31 am
This is the first Hanukah since we decided to take our Judaism seriously and join a shul and raise the kids Jewish, (as opposed to just going along, not doing much of anything about it as we’d been doing). Making that decision has made the entire season so much easier for me. Although my father was Jewish, he didn’t object to the full-on secular Christmas my mother does so well (and it was delightful). I used to get sad around the holidays because my husband, while not wanting to practice Judaism, wouldn’t do Christmas, either.
Now, I have a similar set-up to you. We go to my mom’s (8 blocks away) for Christmas and do Hanukah at home. My 5yo knows that grandma celebrates Christmas and likes to share that with us, but that we do Hanukah, because we’re Jewish. He know that Santa is a fun story that people who celebrate Christmas like to pretend about when they give each other presents. (My mother is appalled that I have told him this, but I’m glad to have it out of the way). If my mother lived out of town, no I don’t think I’d do the stockings.
Knowing that now we’ve got a year’s worth of holidays to celebrate makes December so much less of a big deal.
P.S. This is my first post, but I’ve been reading for awhile. I really appreciate your writing.
December 13th, 2005 at 3:42 pm
I’m not Jewish, so I don’t have this dilema. But I wanted to mention two things:
Christmas trees are actually an adaptation of a pagan tradition, not a Christian one. So, having a tree is more of a winter solstice celebration than anything else (you bring some evergreen into the house to remind you that spring will come).
But mostly I was thinking about the stupidity of teachers. I once had a teacher (when I was in middle school) tell me I was a bad person because I didn’t have my father’s last name (my mother changed both our names back to her maiden name), and for several weeks called me by that name (a name I’d foolishly shared with her). Until my mother raised holy hell (being a feminist and all).
Just unacceptable. Even back in the 70’s.
BTW, about half of the guests at my Christmas dinner are Jewish. I have no idea what that means. 🙂
December 13th, 2005 at 5:04 pm
Oh, Elizabeth — how funny. I wrote about that same Baraita post this morning. I knew I should have checked your blog before I went to bed last night!
December 13th, 2005 at 8:42 pm
Jonas was lamenting the fact that he doesn’t get a Christmas tree or a visit from Santa, so I went out and got a few more Hanukkah decorations for the house. He is especially taken with the royal blue handtowel with a dreidl, menorah, and gelt on it. When I reminded him about the candles, the latkes, the donuts from last year (who knew if he’s remember) his face lit up and he was excited for “our holiday”.
Besides, we all jump in our car, still in our pajamas, on Christmas morning and go to a friend’s house to share Christmas breakfast and have a good time. The kids love it. This year we’ll have Christmas dinner at our friends (the evengelical Christians’ home) and do a combined Christmas/Hanukkah meal with candle lighting, driedls, etc… In the end it is about the spirit of giving and caring.
December 14th, 2005 at 10:10 am
I once had a 5th grade teacher tell me that ravenous wasn’t a word. And she wouldn’t look it up in the dictionary when I challenged her, she just kept telling me I was wrong.
One of about 10 very formative incidents for me in my grammar school years . . . I’m sure it contributed to my ongoing insubordination problem.
December 15th, 2005 at 2:13 pm
Nice post on the Christmas/Hannukah issue. I’ve been meaning to write something about it, since we are a blended atheistic family, but I’ve been too sleep-deprived to think about it.
My personal contribution to the annoying teacher thing:
My sixth grade teacher informed our class that Columbus was Spanish. I said, “No, he was from Genoa.” She insisted that he was Spanish, while I insisted that he was Genoese. Finally, she relented: “OK, he was Portuguese.”
One of my friends remembers me getting into an argument with her about periodization of dinosaurs (i.e., Triceratops lived during the Cretaceous Period, etc.). I don’t actually remember that one, though.
December 19th, 2005 at 9:46 pm
Amy, the errands on Shabbat may not be a big thing for you, but you and your husband both have pretty flexible jobs. I think for people who work long hours at inflexible jobs, giving up Saturdays is more of a challenge.
And then there’s the dilemna we’ll be facing soon: do we sign D up for the local soccer league, which plays all its games on Saturday mornings?
December 20th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
I had a 5th grade math teacher who told my mother I was “mentally retarded and would be lucky to finish highschool.” I was failing math due to my “inability to perform appropriatly during timed multiplication fact quizzes”. If I slowed down,so the teacher could read my answers, she failed me for not finishing on time. If I finished on time she failed me because she could not read my answers due to my poor penmanship. I was a left handed student sitting in a right handed desk and was trying my best. This was not a mental challenge, but a physical one. Thankfully now there are left-handed desks! Believe me, when I graduated college and grad school, I sent this teacher the announcements! HA!
December 20th, 2005 at 3:58 pm
I get it, about Saturday errands. Sorry, hadn’t thought about that. Otoh, the weird schedule means Fri/Sat work is usually the kind most available. We’ve just decided that unless we really need the money, like we’re not going to be able to pay basic bills plus do retirement/college savings as planned, the answer’s no to working on Shabbos.
If you’re around DC, are there no JCC leagues that play Sunday?
January 1st, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Some Post-New Year’s Links
Since it was a long weekend, here is a whole bunch of links for you. First, the science stuff:
January 1st, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Some Post-New Year’s Links
Since it was a long weekend, here is a whole bunch of links for you. First, the science stuff:
October 25th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Hello_ I have recently written a children’s book called “Are You Chanukah or Christams?” about a little girl who goes through Manhattan asking people of they are Chanukah or Christmas. Someone finally asks her and she says that she celebrates both. The message of th ebook is that it doesn’t matter what you choose as long as you wre with family that is what is the most important thing. The book is geared for children ages 3-7 as it is a beautifully illustrated book. YOu may want to check it out. It’s good for kids who celebrate one, or theother or both holidays.
October 26th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I agree, to a point.
Holidays have meaning; they have religious meanings that echo the stories, currents of mind, and fundamental teachings of their respective religions. My daughter is five, and anxious that I not be left out of her grandparents’ Christmas, so she wants to get me a Christmas present. OK. Two lessons will come out of this:
1. For this year: Being left out is not always a tragedy. Sometimes it’s fine. My feelings are not hurt, just like G&G’s feelings weren’t hurt when they weren’t invited to Succos or Rosh Hashanah parties.
2. In a few years: I am not Christian, and don’t want to be drawn in to Christmas celebrations — even her grandparents’. I think it’s nice that she goes to help them celebrate. But it isn’t my holiday. So thank you and give me a kiss instead.
October 26th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Incidentally, what’s with the new level of totally meretricious blog-spamming?
I hope that one effect of the economic meltdown is a decrease in the amount of advertising based on “I am wonderful and what I make is wonderful and you should love me, everybody else does.” I really prefer the old features-n-benefits model.