There’s been a series of interconnected posts around the blogosphere on how concerned parents should be about less than perfect schools, and I wanted to pull them all together.
I think my post on Debunking the Middle Class Myth started it off, at least in this round. For anyone who’s new here, here’s more background on what we’re doing, and my worries about our choice.
LizardBreath at Unfogged linked to my post, writing:
"Now, some schools with a poorer student body are objectively worse, but they’re worse largely because of the middle-class flight. And the degree to which they’re worse seems to me to be wildly exaggerated — the inner-city immigrant neighborhood school I send my kids to is great."
The discussion there is up to about 300 comments. Bitch PhD picked up on one of those comments, and recommends to nervous parents:
Try the school you’re afraid might be mediocre before you move out to that more expensive suburb, and see if it’s really actually better than you think for the particular personality of your particular kid.
This is essentially what we’re doing.
But then Jackie at Esperanza responds:
I want the girls to be in the same school from kindergarten through eighth grade, because switching schools was very hard for me…. I really want my girls to start a school next year and not leave it again until they leave for high school. I want that security and stability for them, because losing it was very difficult for me.
I understand where she’s coming from, and agree that I’d rather not keep moving my boys around. And if D was less socially gifted and adapatable, I might be less willing to take this risk. But I’m quite confident that he won’t be traumatized if we move him in a year or two.
SuperBabyMama also picked up on Bitch’s post, commenting that it’s reassuring to know that she’s not the only one stressing about school choices. (And I really hope that her daughter thrives at her new school.)
I think this whole issue ties back to the point that I was trying to make on Monday, about how hard it can be to give up on being a perfect parent. Knowing that the local school is less than perfect, how can I justify sending my kids to it? Well, everything comes at a price.
If we opted out of our local elementary school into another one, D would have to ride the bus every day, which would eat into the time he has to play and do other things. It would be harder for us to be involved with the school. His friends would be less likely to live nearby, making casual playdates harder. If all of his friends lived near each other, they might be less likely to make the extra effort to get together with him.
If we moved into a different district, it would almost certainly mean that we’d be further away from public transit. My commute would be longer, and I’d have less time to spend on everything from being with the kids to reading to volunteering.
There are some really nice private schools in the area, but they’re really expensive. We could maybe afford private school for one kid on my salary, if we gave up on the idea of saving for retirement. It’s pretty hard for me to see how we could afford it for two (although we’d probably qualify for financial aid). T could go back to work. I could try to find a higher paying job. And D would probably feel poor if he went to one of them, because many of his classmates would be better off.
None of these are inconceivable sacrifices, but I’d rather not do them if I don’t have to. But it’s almost unheard of for an upper-middle-class American parent to say "Yup, my kid’s not going to the best school possible, but I think he’ll be ok."
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More for the roundup (I’m going to keep updating this as long as I keep finding relevant posts):